Ross “Randy” and Robert “Bob” Carey-Walden live in Springfield, Illinois where Randy works for the Army National Guard and Bob works for a major power company.  Randy has a Ph.D. in Health Administration. His work for the military is not a surprise since Randy is a veteran of the United States Army, where he received a number of letters of commendation, a good conduct medal and an overseas service ribbon for his work as a Russian translator.

Bob and Randy had their first date at a local Mexican restaurant – a place they still frequent to this day. They soon will celebrate seven years together as a loving, committed couple.  They share many interests together.  They care for rescue dogs and cats and share a deep love of the outdoors, spending many weekends camping near Springfield and across the Midwest. Randy and Bob also are active in their local synagogue. They are welcomed at their house of worship, and Randy has been asked to serve in positions of trust and authority for the congregation.

For Randy, meeting Bob was part of a process of recovery after he lost his long-time partner Curt to cancer. That experience made all too clear the harm that can arise from not having one’s loving relationship recognized.

As Curt was battling cancer, Randy was always present and involved in his care. When things turned for the worst, Randy took Curt to a local Springfield hospital. Hospital personnel regularly quizzed Randy about his relationship to Curt, and ignored Curt’s health care power of attorney naming Randy as the person to make decisions for him. On numerous occasions, hospital staff asked Curt’s parents to make medical decisions. Each time, they would politely explain that Randy was the one to ask about such matters. The pattern continued over the three days Curt was hospitalized.

Denied the right to stay overnight with Curt, Randy left all his emergency contact information with the nurses and pleaded with them to call him if Curt’s condition worsened. Randy was distraught about leaving Curt alone. One morning, when he was unable to reach Curt, Randy phoned the nurses’ station.  In a whispered voice, the nurse told Randy that Curt had not been doing well all night and that he had better come to the hospital. When Randy reached the room, Curt woke long enough to say “I love you” to Randy. These were the last words he ever spoke.

Bob and Randy fear that their relationship could be ignored, because their civil union isn’t well understood or given the respect of a marriage.  They look forward to the day they can finally marry.
 

Next: Michelle & Corynne

Lynn Sprout and Kathie Spegal are all about family.  Enter their home in a quiet Champaign neighborhood and you see the signs of their love for family everywhere – photos, knickknacks and mementos of family gatherings.  When their family gathered for Easter this Spring, there were 22 children, grandchildren (aged from 22 to 6), spouses and guests.  They are looking forward to a new grandchild this June. Though these children come from Lynn and Kathie’s previous relationships, their families are completely integrated.  The family has grown so large that Kathie and Lynn simply are no longer able to host all the guests and visitors in their house, so they have instead have to plan their get-togethers when they can do them outside.

Lynn is a registered nurse and works at a federally qualified health center.  She met Kathie in October in 2001 at church, where Lynn was attending a support group after losing her long-time partner Linda, after an extended illness.  Linda’s death was very difficult for Lynn.  She lost her job at a local hospital after they denied family leave to care for Linda, and faced challenges to her ability to make decisions about Linda’s body and have their family recognized in an obituary after Linda passed away.  Worst of all for Lynn, she says, is that “my children were harmed.  Linda was very important to my children.  But because our relationship was not a marriage, they were treated like they’d suffered no loss at all.”

“I don’t want that to ever happen again.”

After meeting in the support group (which they still attend together), Kathie and Lynn began to see one another and fell in love.  On June 14, 2003, with family and friends, they celebrated their love and lifetime commitment at the McKinley Presbyterian Church in Champaign – the place where they met.

The ceremony was joyous for Lynn and Kathie, since they were able to proclaim their love for one another publicly.

Kathie, a case manager, wants to insure that she, Lynn, and their children never have to go through anything as agonizing as Linda’s death again.  She’d hoped that Illinois’ civil union law would make things better, but she has learned that “civil unions just are not enough.”  Kathie notes that civil unions are just “less than marriage” and observes that they are reminded of that in many small ways – forms that don’t allow for a civil union, people who don’t understand what it is, and acquaintances who are not certain how to respond to the fact that she and Lynn have a civil union.

“We are in love,” says Kathie. “We want to be married. That is what people in our family who are in love do.”

Next: Randy & Bob