Like a lot of couples in our busy society, Michelle Mascaro and Corynne Romine met at work – when they were both in a chaplaincy internship at Rush Presbyterian Hospital.   Since that time, in early 1991, Corynne and Michelle have created a loving, giving relationship that now incorporates their three children, ages 14, 12 and 11. For Michelle and Corynne, one of the most painful things about not having their relationship honored as a marriage in Illinois is the impact on their children of learning that their parents cannot marry.

“As our children mature, we are trying to teach them important life lessons about honoring relationships and respecting the family unit,” says Michelle.   “It is difficult to communicate a message about the importance of marriage when we are denied the right to enter into one.”  Corynne and Michelle recognize the importance of marriage, having seen it through their parents.  Corynne notes that her parents have been married for more than a half century, and has seen “how marriage and the commitment of marriage helps a family cope with the ups and downs that are simply a part of life.”

Michelle and Corynne had a private celebration and affirmation of their love at their home in 1995.   After making that commitment, they began a family, adopting the first of their three children.  Today, they spend as much time as possible with the children – and spend a great deal of time attending to events at their children’s school, church, sports teams and other activities.

After Illinois approved civil unions, Corynne and Michelle were not certain about seeking that status.  They wanted to be married.  After six full months, on January 6, 2012, Michelle and Corynne, along with their children, traveled to downtown Chicago to obtain a civil union.   The date was significant to them – for it marked the 20th anniversary of their living together as a couple.

Corynne and Michelle know that their civil union addresses some concerns about benefits, but neither feel it is sufficient.  When they take one of their children to an appointment or go to the doctor themselves, they often are confronted with forms that ask if they are “married, single, divorced or widowed.”   Even after the passage of civil unions, the forms remind them their relationship isn’t understood or accepted and is easily ignored.

For themselves and their children, Michelle and Corynne want the chance to publicly affirm their commitment in marriage.

Next: Tim & Rick

Like most small town residents, Tim Kee and Rick Wade spend a lot of time engaged in community activities. Having been together for 15 years now, they are well-recognized and regarded in their hometown of Marion.  Though they kept their relationship secret when it began, traveling to St. Louis and environs on their first several dates, they no longer try to hide that they are a couple.

For Rick and Tim, tradition and stability is critical.  They live in a house built on land that was Rick’s great-great-grandparents’ homestead that was passed on to Rick by his grandmother, a house that they have made into their home.  Tim was born and raised in nearby Johnson City where he now teaches in the elementary school. Previously, Tim taught in the high school in Johnson City. Rick is an office manager for an optometry practice.

Among the values that Tim and Rick have in common is their faith. Today, they attend (and are active in) the church in Johnson City where Tim was baptized and confirmed. Faith plays a critical role in their relationship and in their life. They attend church whenever and wherever they travel.  And, they find the congregation to be an extended family, consoling them in bad times and celebrating them in good times.
On June 2, 2011, Rick and Tim went to the Williamson County courthouse to get a civil union. The experience, by and large, was rewarding.  Since they were only the second couple to receive a civil union, the County Clerk insisted on coming out to help them – saying that she needed to learn the forms and the process for herself.  But they realize that a civil union is not equivalent to being married.

“No one grows up hoping to be ‘civil unionized’” says Tim. “At the end of the day, it’s just not the same as being married.  We want our love and our relationship to be recognized as a marriage – it is only then that we can stop explaining to others the differences between a civil union and a marriage.”

In 2010, Tim helped to organize a 5k race to raise money for the school.  Rick volunteers his time to help Tim make the event a success.  Only marriage fits Rick’s understanding of his relationship with Tim and their place in their community. “Tim and I do our part in our community.  We’d like to be seen as another average couple who love one another and want to spend our lives together.”

Next: Carlos & Richard

On a quiet side street in Evanston, Carlos Briones and Richard Rykhus live with their 7-year-old son Ty’rith (Ty).  A couple for eleven years, Richard and Carlos held a commitment ceremony for 120 family and friends in July 2005. “We wanted to tell the world that we are committed to one another,” says Carlos. “It was important to make a statement that our love was permanent, lasting.”

During a visit to Richard’s parents a few months later, Carlos and Richard were married in Canada. Now, they make a point of calling one another “husband.”

“I think it is crucial for me to identify Carlos as my husband,” says Richard. “The word ‘partner’ never has worked for me – it sounds so transactional. We are not in a business relationship. We are in a life-long committed relationship.”

Carlos, who teaches philosophy at a local college, says that early in each semester, he lets his students know that he is married.  Still, Carlos says, “I find that I have to force myself to use the word ‘husband’ to describe Richard.  It is not that I don’t think of him as my husband. But I always feel that I have to add an explanation that we were married in Canada, and the marriage isn’t recognized in Illinois. That seems wrong.”

Richard was reminded that his marriage isn’t recognized recently when he found himself in a hospital emergency room.  Even after he told her that Carlos and he were married, a nurse wrote Carlos’ name on Richard’s wristband as “partner.” Although in pain, Richard stopped the nurse and insisted that she write “husband.”

“It may seem like a small thing,” Richard adds. “It is not.  I want my love and my relationship to be acknowledged and respected.”

Carlos and Richard share a love of education.  Recently, Richard saw that he could make a difference in the local elementary schools by running for the local school board. He was elected, and now finds the work to be rewarding and fulfilling. His position also gives the entire family a chance to give back to the community.

Richard and Carlos want their marriage recognized – especially as their son Ty matures.  Carlos says that occasionally they will ask Ty what he wants to do when he grows up. Inevitably, like many 7-year-olds, Ty reports that he wants to marry the latest female pop singer. “That is normal,” says Carlos. “We grow up wanting to marry the person we love.  For me that is Richard.”
 

Next: Danielle & Suzie